THE SEXUAL NEEDS OF PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES – PHYSICAL/PRACTICAL NEEDS (INCONTINENCE 2)
Although there is a general impression that having sex means sexual intercourse, it is a fact that for some people it is not physically possible due to severe disability. Some exploration of the concept that there can be more to sex than sexual intercourse may then be indicated, and people can be encouraged to develop other skills of sexual pleasuring involving the whole body, that is, not just the genitals. Heightened awareness of other senses can occur so that touching may become very important. Such alternatives as using hands, oral sex and masturbation may need to be explored, and again the doctor may find these areas difficult. He needs to come to terms with the fact that it is the person’s, or the couple’s, choice that is important and he must not form a personal judgement on their behaviour. Perhaps it is worth a word of warning here about doctors who are so keen to help their patients to have a sexual life that they can be over-enthusiastic. Couples often have to be able to grieve fully for the loss of full intercourse before they can contemplate finding pleasure in substitute activities.
An important part of lovemaking is the giving of pleasure and, even if this means that it appears one-sided, to be able to see the partner experiencing sexual pleasure can be very satisfying even if there is loss of sensation to the giver. Sometimes it is difficult for the partner to accept such one-sided pleasure, but if it is what they both want, then she/he may be able to be helped to do so. After sharing the loss and grieving for it, some people are able to fantasize and recall in the mind the sensations of the past.
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